


Call Me, Maybe?

by drainbamage954 (cats_cradle6766)



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alcohol, Birthday, Drunkenness, Explicit Language, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Karaoke, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-22
Updated: 2013-01-22
Packaged: 2018-09-11 10:58:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8976886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cats_cradle6766/pseuds/drainbamage954
Summary: Sometimes things happen.  Like meeting super handsome awesome people at birthday parties.  And sometimes you meet them and do really stupid shit because you're drunk.  And sometimes it all turns out for the best.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Written for hyperhyperbole (a good friend). The title is taken from the song by Carly Rae Jepsen of the same title which also shows up in the story prominently.

The small hallway leading into the building shouldn’t look so ominous, especially since the lighting and advertisements are the same on nearly every other building in the area. There shouldn’t be anything intimidating about a staircase, leading upstairs to a barbecue restaurant like the dozens of others. Really, there’s nothing that should set Minseok’s pulse to shudder up his arms and a pingpong ball of apprehension to lodge in his throat. 

Really, there is no excuse for him to be so nervous. 

“Maybe I can just take you out for dinner on your actual birthday,” Minseok suggests, not walking into the small dimly lit hallway that has shoe scuffs on tile which probably isn’t cleaned nearly as much as it should be. 

“Nope,” Lu Han says, draping himself over Minseok’s shoulders and slouching them into the stairwell, grinning widely. “You’re coming and having fun and we’re going par for par on drinks because it’s my birthday.”

“So I’m going to be painfully sober,” Minseok says, raising an eyebrow at his friend as Lu Han leads them upstairs. 

“Nah,” Lu Han says, turning to him with a grin. “Baekhyun will be there. I’m sure with our powers combined we’ll drink you under the table.”

“Oh goodie,” Minseok drawls at him, eyes flashing to the door of the restaurant Lu Han seems so intent on getting himself potentially banned from in the next two hours. “Well, at least I’ll know one other person there.”

“Hush you,” Lu Han says, pushing into the restaurant with a delighted grin. “You know half the people there already. Consider this forced social expansion. Which you need, you hermit man.”

“I am not a hermit man,” Minseok grumbles as Lu Han quickly scans the restaurant before spotting his friends and immediately detaching from Minseok to bound over to them, arms waving about wildly. There seems to be a general positive response to the birthday boy’s arrival, considering the vast majority of the table stands up and all clasps some part of Lu Han’s body in greeting. Minseok follows with a small smile, watching the display of welcome from Lu Han’s friends. 

“Guys, this is Baozi,” Lu Han says, gesturing to Minseok with a brilliant grin, even as he knees Sehun into the booth to make room for himself to sit. 

“You’re named meat bun?” A large man who looks like a mix between a model and a komodo dragon asks, seated next to Jongdae who looks somewhat bored out of his mind. 

“Yes,” Lu Han says, shoving Sehun over when the younger refuses to budge. 

“Actually, my name is Minseok,” Minseok clarifies, with a small annoyed smile at Lu Han. Lu Han grins at him. 

“He looks like a baozi, so he’s Baozi,” Lu Han explains, flopping down next to Sehun and looking pointedly at the seat across from him for Minseok to claim. 

“I don’t think he looks like a baozi.” The soft tone of voice from the tall dark boy startles Minseok slightly, not expecting such a gentle tone, slightly muffled, to come from such an intimidating figure. The darker smiles shyly at him in welcome and Minseok returns it, feeling a little better. 

“Well, you all have mouths,” Lu Han says, flapping a hand at Minseok to sit agitatedly. “Introduce yourselves.”

“Aren’t you a good hyung,” Baekhyun drawls, seated and relatively squashed between Jongin and Chanyeol but looking mischievous as always. 

“I’m the best,” Lu Han says, grinning at him before looking around the table. “Where are the chopsticks?” Minseok watches him with the same accepting care that he’s begun to adopt everywhere around Lu Han. There may have once been a time when the completely unexplained antics of the other man might have startled him. However, in the time between Lu Han leaping around a movie theater imitating Optimus Prime and having his face explode in laughter when Sehun nearly fell down six flights of stairs, it’s all just run into ‘Yep, that’s Lu Han’ moments. 

“Have you known Lu Han long?” the unfamiliar but soft featured man seated beside Minseok asks, voice startlingly soft for the defined and strong lines of his shoulders. 

Minseok blinks. The other man is watching him patiently, small smile on his lips as his brown eyes glint in the light. He’s never met him before but Minseok knows he definitely isn’t Korean. This must be one of the few Chinese friends Lu Han had mentioned would be joining them. “About a year,” Minseok answers, feeling oddly nervous under the unwavering gaze. “How about you?”

“We were roommates in boarding school,” the man says, smiling happily and his cheek dents unexpectedly. Minseok stares at the bridge of his nose between his eyes because it seems like a safe place to look. That way he won’t stare at the rest of his face. Which is uncomfortably unsettlingly handsome. “I’m Yixing.”

Yeah, definitely one of the Chinese friends.

“I’m Minseok,” Minseok says, fidgeting as he wonders whether shaking hands is too formal or too awkward or something he should probably do right now. This is always easier when Lu Han’s the one exploding sound and letting him just make side commentary. 

Yixing seems to smile a little brighter. “I know. Or do you actually prefer Baozi?”

Oh. Right. Lu Han. “Minseok if you don’t mind,” Minseok says, feeling his cheeks prickle with heat even as he smiles and tries not to show too much gum. 

“Minseok then,” Yixing says, eyes twinkling in a lovely way. Minseok wonders if his gums are flashing. “You can just call me Yixing,” Yixing says, and he leans in a little bit closer to Minseok. 

“Thanks,” Minseok says as the heat from Yixing’s shoulder radiates into his own. 

“You’re welcome.” Yixing would look really nice in green. 

“Magnae’s!” Lu Han suddenly says loudly, breaking from his argument with the stern faced guy about something in rapid Mandarin that seems to have swallowed the table in sound. “Where is our food?”

“You have to let us out first, hyung,” Sehun says, tongue catching on a few of the syllables as he looks at Lu Han with raised brows under his pink hair. 

“Don't be lazy,” Lu Han says, poking at Sehun’s collar bones. “Who said you couldn’t climb over me. I’m not a mountain like Yifan. You won’t wind yourself on that nature hike.” 

“I’m not a mountain,” the stern guy, probably Yifan, says with a huff at Lu Han. 

“Chanyeol is a tree and you’re Vesuvius,” Lu Han says, sliding out of the booth regardless and letting Sehun, followed by Jongin, out to go and fetch the meat. “Stop denying the facts. The first part of self-love is acceptance of who you are. And Yifan, you are a giant with yaoi man hands.”

Minseok snorts as Lu Han looks delighted with the various reactions he gets from the table (Yifan looks exasperated, Chanyeol explodes and slaps his chopsticks into his lap, Baekhyun explodes and slaps Chanyeol in the shoulder, while the rest of the table all look disturbed). There is a light laugh beside him and he turns to see Yixing’s smiling face spilling laughter and his eyes widen. 

“I do not have yaoi hands,” Yifan says, shoving the aforementioned appendages under the table. 

“Acceptance is the first part of self love,” Baekhyun chimes in mimic of Lu Han with a grin as Yifan looks over to him with a weird expression in his face. Chanyeol looks between them both before smirking and jabbing Baekhyun with a chopstick. 

Sehun and Jongin have barely returned with the plates of excessive meat before Lu Han is jabbing so hard at the call button Minseok is surprised it doesn’t break. The waiter looks like appearing eager may kill him. “Yes.”

“Ten bottles of Soju, five cokes, and five ciders,” Lu Han says definitely. 

“Ten bottles!?” Yifan says with a warning crack in his voice. 

“Fuck off, it’s my birthday, we’re all getting wasted,” Lu Han snaps back. 

“I don’t really drink,” the dark soft voiced boy in the corner says, looking at Lu Han with wide eyes. 

“You do tonight, Taozi,” Lu Han says with a grin as he looks down the table. “Don’t worry, if you get wasted, I’ll take care of you.”

Minseok raises his eyebrows. “You will?” Lu Han usually isn’t capable of remembering his name when he’s drunk, instead declaring he’s some sort of super hero or pirate lord who is “infinitely cooler so shut up.”

“I will attempt,” Lu Han says, jutting his nose in the air before he grabs a pair of tongs and begins placing meat on the already hot grate, sending smoke and sizzling sounds into the air. Minseok glances beside himself and see Yixing deep in a conversation with Yifan, smiling as Yifan seems to experiment with how many ways he can frown. 

Apparently, Lu Han has back up. Jongdae, Baekhyun, and Chanyeol all seem to agree that getting completely smashed as fast as possible is paramount this evening as they shove shot glasses into hands and begin the stupidest drinking games Minseok has ever heard of. One, in which the whole table just goes around counting to 21, each making stupid rules for numbers that, if you forget when you get to the number, everyone must drink and start over. 

It is shockingly fast how quickly half a bottle of soju can ingest into your system. 

Lu Han is laughing as he nearly drops his chopsticks, leaning across the table towards Jongdae. “Oh my god, you’re drunk.”

“No,” Jongdae says, face flushed slightly. “That would be you.”

“Then you should get drunk!” Lu Han yells and then grabs Minseok’s shot glass and fills it. “Go!” he demands, shoving it at Minseok. 

“Why are you making me drink?” Minseok asks, a slight squeak to his voice as Lu Han glares at Jongdae and knocks the shot glass into his nose. 

“Because I like you more than ChenChen,” Lu Han says and Jongdae frowns a little bit. “Now drink.”

There is a slight nudge to his side and Minseok starts, looking beside him to see Yixing holding up his own soju glass. “Oneshot?” Yixing asks, eyes crinkling. 

Minseok downs the glass without pause. 

Six plates of food, nine bottles of cola, 18 bottles of soju, and about seven chopsticks dropped on the floor, Lu Han stands up and declares they’re all going to noraebang. Sehun looks so excited Jongin pinches his cheeks.

“I don’t want to go to noraebang,” Yifan says as everyone shuffles in relative states of inebriation from the booths and tries to put on their coats. 

“No one cares what you think,” Jongdae says, nearly face planting into Minseok’s chest as he trips over himself out of the booth. Minseok stumbles a bit as Jongdae catches himself and feels a steadying grip over his shoulder. Yixing smiles at him, face pink as he laughs a little and Minseok grins stupidly. 

“Thanks,” Minseok says. 

“You’re welcome,” Yixing’s melodic voice says as Yifan drags a lazy Sehun and Jongin from the booth with slurred berating tones. 

Minseok has no clue who pays for the first round of noraebang. He also has no idea how Lu Han and Chanyeol and Jongdae managed to smuggle in about 9 more bottles of alcohol as well as chips and a few bottles of soda. 

“You guys must have really big pockets,” Minseok says, staring at them in wonder as they Mary Poppins items onto the noraebang table and Baekhyun frantically punches songs into the player. 

“We have the biggest pockets in the universe,” Chanyeol says, voice switching between ‘loud’ and ‘woops sound barrier’ as he leans dangerously to the left with eyes that never match. 

“Huge fucking pockets,” Jongdae affirms, opening up a few bottles and passing them around. 

Lu Han snatches the song keypad from Baekhyun once he’s unloaded all his drinks. “No!” he snaps at Baekhyun’s pout. “My birthday.”

“You’re just going to put on Nicki Minaj or an endless replay of ‘Mirotic’ so you can live out your DBSK obsession,” Baekhyun whines, flopping on to the sofa and looking drunk. 

“Well, we can't let Chanyeol choose,” Lu Han says, gesturing as Chanyeol inspects the tambourines. 

“Hey!” Chanyeol protests, turning to Lu Han and frowning.

“What?” Lu Han quirks. “You’ll just put on Supreme Team and fall over when you gesture too wildly.”

“I do not do that!” Chanyeol protests, frowning. 

“Yes, you do,” Baekhyun yells from the couch as the opening lines of ‘Genie’ begin over the speakers. Baekhyun launches up and grabs for the microphone. “Where are the mic condoms?”

Minseok almost yells ‘unprotected singing’ when Lu Han shoves him in the chest with the song selector and a determined look on his face, pushing him to the couch with drunk accuracy. “What?” startles from him instead of inuendos about various singing electronics. 

“Go lay on Lay,” Lu Han says, hands on his shoulders as he shoves him down next to Yixing. “Lay, can he lay on you? I think he should lay on you, Lay. He’s drunk, Lay. Lay!”

“Who the fuck is Lay?” Minseok sputters as Lu Han attempts to push him down on top of Yixing with a determined set to his lips. 

“Okay, Lulu,” Yixing says, wrapping an arm around Minseok’s shoulders and smiling up at Lu Han. “You go steal the mic from Baekhyun. He’s thrusting again.”

“Only I get to thrust! It’s my fucking birthday!” Lu Han yells, jumping back and nearly running into the table as Minseok tries not to swallow too loudly at the arm around him. 

“Um-“ Minseok says, pulling back and away from Yixing swiftly, looking at Yixing’s bangs as they sweep over his face. “That was-“

“Lu Han gave us all nicknames back in school,” Yixing says easily, face smiling as he looks at Minseok and Minseok wants to put his hands over his face and peer through his fingers. Just too see if Yixing is actually handsome or if he’s going insane. He claps lightly instead and puffs out his cheeks nervously. Yixing smiles. “Lu Han named me ‘Lay’ because I like to sleep on the floor sometimes and we all used to call Yifan ‘Yifan’.” His eyes crinkle. “Okay, so maybe you look a little like a baozi.”

Minseok frowns a lot. 

Yixing laughs. “Okay, okay, sorry,” he says, drawing back and turning to watch Lu Han belt out some random song in Mandarin that Minseok has never heard before. Lu Han shoves the microphone at Jongdae when he’s done and uses ‘not drunk enough’ as an excuse to flop down next to Minseok and curl around him possessively, tapping a bottle of alcohol alternately on his and Minseok’s nose. 

Minseok goes between thinking about how Lu Han can never properly hold his alcohol and how lovely and warm Yixing is beside him. When Minseok looks over to him, Yixing smiles brightly and somehow they start talking about varieties of kimchi. 

Yixing actually knows a lot about kimchi.

Yixing is kind of mostly entirely a lot of handsome and really nice.

Minseok doesn’t realize how drunk Lu Han has got him until Yixing gets up from beside him and he realizes he’s been using the other as a sort of personal cushion to keep from falling over. So, naturally, he does fall over. 

“AND I WATH LIKE BAEBII BAEBII BAEBII- OOOOH” Sehun really should never be allowed to sing songs in English ever. Minseok cheers for him anyway as Yixing tackles the younger boy to the couch and wrestles the microphone from him. 

Minseok sings along feeling the really warm sloshing of alcohol in the vast space between his eyes as he tries to remember the words to Jason Mraz. Or maybe it’s Shinhwa. Or Jimmy Cho. 

Well, Minseok tries to sing along at least. And dance a bit. 

“You’re a really good dancer!” someone who is either Chanyeol or Jongdae yells at him as Minseok leaves Lu Han to drool into the couch uselessly and hops around a bit to the music. 

“I know, right?” Minseok hiccups happily as he nearly trips over Jongdae, who is sitting on Sehun’s lap and looking extremely confused. “Whoops!”

“Dance off!” Baekhyun yells, jumping up and hauling up a previously asleep Jongin as Chanyeol takes the microphone and ‘Deng Deng Deng’ blast over the speakers. “I told you he’d pick Supreme Team!” Baekhyun yells, looking around for Lu Han and finding him smushed into pillows. Baekhyun shrugs and begins to jump around, leading himself with his hips as he attempts to dance to Chanyeol’s deep rap about something or other and Minseok laughs a lot. 

Laughing is really fun. It makes you happy. Minseok likes it a lot. 

“You’re really good at singing,” Minseok says, clapping Chanyeol on the back when he finishes with a fist in the air.

“I was rapping,” Chanyeol giggles at him. 

“You’re also really good at that.” Minseok nods decidedly. Yes. That. 

“You should sing a song, Hyung!” Jongdae says, shoving the microphone into Minseok’s hands and grinning widely. 

Minseok didn’t know blinking too so much effort. “No, that’s okay. I’m better at clapping along.” 

“BAOZI SINGS A FUCKING SONG.” Lu Han has apparently joined them, rolling off the couch and bouncing up immediately, stumbling forward. “Song for Baozi,” he mumbles, punching random numbers into the keypad. “There!”

Carly Rae Jepsen flashes on the screen. 

“Oh my god, this song!” Minseok yells really loudly, recognizing the slightly muted sounds of strings. 

“This is the best song ever!” Lu Han looks really satisfied. 

“This is my song!” Minseok is not actually Carly Rae Jepsen. He is simply stating that he really really really really really likes this song a lot and that he maybe listens to it a lot and it’s just super fun because it’s so stupid and peppy and oh my god yes.

English is a lot harder when Carly isn’t singing along with you. 

Minseok tries anyway and Lu Han leaps from his place beside him in slow motion to grab at a tambourine and start whapping it out of tempo to the song as he seems to African tribal dance. Baekhyun grabs the other free tambourine and begins to sashay around the room, hips gyrating and whooping. 

“Your stare was holding, ripped jeans skin was showing, hot night wind was –um-something but WHERE YOU THINK YOU’RE GOING BABY!” Minseok is very proud of his improvisational skills as he spins around and loses his balance briefly. He looks up, eyes hazy as his brain is still probably somewhere pre-spin and sees dark eyes crinkled in amusement. 

Pointing is awesome. 

“Hey I just met you!” Minseok sings, bopping his shoulders in time with the music and singing loudly, as he should, because this is noraebang and everyone is a fucking superstar. “And this is crazy, but here’s my number, so call me maybe!” Minseok’s mind finally sloshes back to pace around the same time Lu Han and Baekhyun begin dancing around him in circles with various intensities of bucking hips and whooping sounds. “And all the other boys, try to chase me!” Lu Han flings an arm around Minseok as he continues to sing and they nearly topple over. “But here’s my number, so – get the fuck off Lu!”

Lu Han laughs as he releases Minseok and both boys right themselves as the music breaks. Minseok takes a break and tries to continue but the words kind of drown as he looks back up and sees Yixing watching him and a really wide smile. 

Wow, Yixing is really handsome. 

Like, he should be arrested or something for being so handsome. There has to be some sort of weird law that says being really stupidly handsome and wearing low cut tank shirts in April is really bad because wow handsome. 

“Uhhhhhhh,” sounds for about half the second verse while Minseok just stares at the dimple in Yixing’s face and wonders if it tastes like lollipops. It takes Lu Han smacking him on the ass with the tambourine and Chanyeol’s yell of “WORDS” to snap Minseok out of his apparent inability to function. “Hey! I just met you, and this is crazy! But here’s my number so call me maybe!” Minseok realizes after a moment he’s sung the chorus far too early and yells “Fuck” before starting again at the correct time as Yifan laughs, flopping face first into Jongdae’s stomach. 

Dancing is fun. Dancing is good. Dancing is really effective when you think someone is handsome and they keep smiling at you and you’re singing pop songs you maybe know by heart but well, words always sound weird when you’re drunk, right?

Yixing’s smile broadens and he laughs as Minseok decides dancing around with Lu Han and Baekhyun is a fantastic idea, belting and gesturing to the music. A particularly intense shove from Lu Han has him stumbling forward, face flushed and head spinning before he looks up and sees Yixing’s eyebrows look at him curiously. 

“Hey!” Minseok says, moving back slightly. 

“Hey,” Yixing says, laughing a little. 

“I just met you!” Minseok sings a bit and Yixing laughs. “And this is crazy!” Yixing’s laugh a really goddamn nice. “But here’s my number.” Minseok frowns when he realizes he doesn’t actually have a paper with his phone number on it to thrust at Yixing. “So call me maybe?” Minseok gives a really awkward shrug and Yixing flops back laughing into the couch, clapping slightly. 

What encouragement!

Minseok repeats the chorus with a lot more enthusiasm this time, standing up and dancing a bit as he watches Yixing. Yixing must think this is the funniest thing in the world because he’s clapping his hands and watching Minseok so closely Minseok wants to bubble in delight and start windmilling his arms because there has to be some sort of release from how goddamn awesome everything is right now. 

“Dude! Those aren’t the words!” Yifan or Chanyeol or whoever yells at one point when Minseok sings the chorus for the third time in a row. 

“Fine!” Minseok yells, stumbling backwards and toppling into the couch with a grunt. Lu Han is laughing as he tries to high five Baekhyun with the tambourine. Baekhyun is having none of it. “Before you came into my life I missed um something really bad bad bad so bad and you should know that because that anyway so call me maybe!”

The real words of the song probably don’t really make sense anyway. Minseok probably just made a drastic improvement on the song. 

Minseok isn’t really sure why he feels so breathless. He looks over to Yixing who he flopped next to and sees him smiling brilliantly. Maybe that’s why he’s breathless. 

“Hey,” Minseok says, gesturing to Yixing with the microphone.

“Hey,” Yixing says, grinning as Jongdae starts in on LUCIFER. 

“I just met you,” Minseok says and smiles widely. Ooh gums. “But here’s my number, so you should call me maybe or something yeah.”

Yixing’s eyes are really crinkly when he smiles. It’s really nice and handsome crinkly in an I’m too sexy for my shirt so take it off kind of way. “You know, you have to actually give me your number for me to call you,” Yixing says.

Let’s all take a moment for that sentences to sink in. “Nah, you should just call me,” Minseok says, flapping a hand. 

“But I need your number.” Yixing’s eyes are sparkly. Minseok’s tongue feels a lot like tar. 

“Why?” Minseok asks, letting his head sag on his neck so it lolls on his shoulder. 

“So I can call you maybe,” Yixing says. “Can I have your number?”

Well, shit! “Okay.” Minseok likes agreeing to things. He does it a lot with Lu Han. Sometimes it’s not a good idea to agree to things with Lu Han but he does it anyway. Minseok really likes the idea of agreeing to things with Yixing though, because Yixing doesn’t seem nearly as weird as Lu Han. Maybe he’ll just hold hands with him instead of push him into a fountain for fun. 

Minseok likes holding hands. Or shoulders. Or other parts of the human body. 

Yixing looks like he is expecting something. A kiss? 

Probably not. Though Minseok can dream that handsome pretty muscular guys like Yixing might maybe want him to kiss them. It’s a nice thought. “What?” 

“You haven’t given me your number,” Yixing says, a definite note of amusement in his voice. 

“Give me your phone,” Minseok says, shrugging. 

“I forgot it today,” Yixing says and Minseok stares in what is probably a really judging ‘what the actual shitting fuck’ face that probably isn’t attractive at all. 

“Then how am I supposed to give you my number so you can call me maybe though I’m still not sure why.” How do questions work? “Do you have any paper?” Minseok slurs words really really well. They sound much more interesting when they’re mashed together. “Because I don’t have any paper.”

“No.”

“Well fuck,” Minseok throws up his hands and feels stupidly disappointed. Yixing is still smiling at him though, so it’s not totally terrible. “I guess I’ll just have to write it on your arm then.”

Yixing laughs. It’s a little hard to hear over the sounds of the others all belting out ‘ELECTRIC SHOCK’ in the background but it still kind of makes Minseok’s stomach flip. Or maybe that’s the alcohol. “Do you have a pen?” Yixing asks.

“No.” Fuck. “Does anyone have a pen?!” Minseok yells to the group at large. 

“Why do you need a pen?” Sehun asks with his forever judging face. 

“Do you have one?” Minseok asks, eyebrows raising on his face. 

“No,” Sehun deadpans and Minseok frowns at him. 

“You are dead to me.” Sehun sticks out his tongue at the jut of Minseok’s bottom lip. 

“Why don’t you ask the front desk?” Jongdae suggests, now seated next to Chanyeol who looks entirely too happy. Jongdae blinks before turning to Chanyeol and looking at him with a frown. “Sup.”

“That is a fantastic idea,”Minseok says, trying to snap his fingers at Jongdae. He turns to Yixing. “I’ll be right back.”

“Are you sure yo-“

_“Pen!”_ Minseok yells, standing up and wow the world forgot gravity. He blinks. The guys at the front desk blink back at him and look vaguely mortified. “Pen?”

“Um-“ They have bow ties on. Which makes Minseok think of Oompa Loompas for some reason. Minseok briefly gets the image of the noraebang staff bobbing up and down to oompa loompa music and giggles. 

“Do you have a pen?” Minseok asks again, leaning on the desk because his legs feel kind of funny. “I need a pen. I have to write on someone.”

“Uhhh-“ The staff really isn’t very helpful. 

“I just need a pen!” Minseok says, gesturing emphatically because it’s just a fucking pen for god’s sake not their first born child. “Can I have a pen or do you not believe in them?”

Minseok gets his pen. Minseok closes his eyes because the lights are really bright. When he opens them he’s sitting next to Yixing again and Yixing looks really amused. Yixing looks really nice when he smiles. Minseok’s pretty sure he’s thought of that before. 

“Thanks,” Yixing says, and his eyes are sparkly stars and chocolate. 

“What?” Minseok asks as Lu Han and Baekhyun belt out ‘Sorry Sorry’ and Yifan tries to dance. 

“You have a really nice smile too,” Yixing says and Minseok blinks. 

Pen. He has a pen in his hand. 

“Give me your arm!” Minseok says, reaching forward but only half way because, well, he doesn’t really give out his number a lot. Is he supposed to slip it into Yixing’s hand? Or push it into his face? Or leave it on the seat when he leaves? Or fold it into a paper airplane and sail it through the ai-

Yixing’s wrist is lying in Minseok’s hand. “Sorry I forgot my phone.” It’s okay. Everything is okay. That’s totally fine because wow perfect your skin is really warm.

What the fuck is Minseok’s phone number? Minseok frowns at Yixing’s bare skin, trying to remember the swim of numbers in his brain before he settles on the ones he is pretty mostly entirely sure are his. The pen works pretty well for being a ball point. 

Minseok frowns slightly when he finishes writing his number on Yixing’s really soft and warm forearm. “How do I know you’ll actually call me?” Minseok asks, looking up at Yixing, who is seated really close and it’s really nice and wow look at that jaw structure. 

Yixing laughs. Minseok’s mouth is probably a little bit open. “I’ll call you.”

“Yeah,” Minseok says, feeling frustrated. “But how will I know you’ll actually call me.”

“Because I will,” Yixing says and his smile is so bright and warm and awesome Minseok has to close his eyes. 

  
  


-

Fast forward approximately 12 hours:

Pain.

Severe blinding black mixed with red and tinges of monkey-vomit-green pain is what Minseok wakes up to and he nearly yells because wow pain. His entire body feels like horrible awful lots of death and he just wants someone to come over and kill him because this is just that bad. He burrows back into his pillow and moans, trying to not think through the pounding pain in his head and the horrible sticky ache that feels a lot like orange marmalade over all of his limbs. 

Fucking hangovers.

Opening eyes should never hurt this much. 

10:56.

Fuck. 

Minseok apparently managed to change last night before falling into bed. He just can’t really remember when he fell into bed. Or how he got home. Or what really happened after Lu Han shoved a second bottle of soju at him and yelled ‘one shot!’ before slugging his own drink back while Yi-

Fuck. 

Minseok growls as he drags himself from bed, avoiding the mirror over his dresser at all costs as he stumbles from his room and makes for the kitchen, which has both hydration and coffee. The two necessary elements for any hangover cure. 

Jongdae is sprawled on the floor of the living room, face down and in penguin boxers. He’s maybe dead?

Minseok prods him with his foot, really not feeling in the mood to take his roommate to the mortuary this morning when he may still be slightly drunk from last night and wants to shove his head in a bucket of ice because ow. Jongdae lets out some sort of weird moaning sound and Minseok figures that should feel some sort of relief. Because, while a dead Jongdae would certainly be easier to deal with at times, a dead Jongdae would also probably cause a lot of problems. And probably police. 

“Do you want toast?” Minseok sounds like a frog. 

“Can I have death instead?” Jongdae mumbles into the floor. “Death sounds a lot better right about now.”

“Cake?” Minseok suggests, watching as Jongdae appears to try to push himself up but then gives up. 

“Cake or death?” Jongdae asks, moving his head to the side slightly. 

“Cake, please,” Minseok answers. 

“Death,” Jongdae says, wincing as he pushes himself up. “Little bits of crispy death.”

Minseok snorts and it’s painful. He immediately regrets his decision. “Why are you on the floor?”

Jongdae blinks at him and looks horribly uncomfortable. “I think I was going to the bathroom to throw up. Or piss. I apparently decided the bathroom was too much work.”

Minseok shrugs. “As long as you didn’t barf on the television,” he says, sniffing around a slightly stuffy nose before shuffling to the kitchen. Toast and coffee and Gatorade and maybe a lot of really unhealthy food sounds very necessary right now. Jongdae wanders in after a few minutes and looks horrific as he sits down and immediately flops into the table. 

“What happened last night?” Jongdae asks, eyes closed as Minseok chugs half a bottle of the blue Gatorade he hates but always ends up buying anyway because it looks kind of cool. 

“Lu Han had a birthday party,” Minseok answers, the sweet cool of the Gatorade refreshing on his throat. He grabs another one and puts it by Jongdae’s nose. Jongdae grabs at it lethargically. “We got drunk. I’m pretty sure noraebang was involved and Lu Han hit everyone on the ass with a tambourine.” Jongdae is frowning at space, having just taken a huge gulp of Gatorade. “What?”

Jongdae is still staring into space. “I think I made out with Chanyeol,” he says, frowning because remembering through hangovers is always hard. 

“Really?” Minseok asks, eyebrows raising as he frowns himself, trying to push through the haze of memory from last night that is mostly painful because his brain does not want to cooperate right now. He scrunches his nose. “I thought you made out with Sehun.”

There is a long pause as Jongdae’s face slowly goes from thoughtfully annoyed to thoughtfully dismayed. “Fuck,” he says before flopping face first into the table again. 

“Well,” Minseok says, turning to the cabinet and grabbing for the bread as he frowns through the really foggy memories from last night. If he squints he can kind of remember Jongdae getting really friendly with- Nope. Too early to remember Jongdae’s make out sessions. “I’m pretty sure you weren’t objecting to them at the time.”

Jongdae lets out a long whine. “Chanyeol and Sehun. Lu Han is going to kill me.”

“Actually, I’m pretty sure he was egging you on,” Minseok says, running a hand over his face as he spoons out ground coffee into the machine. “Or he just really liked waving that tambourine around.”

“What else happened last night?” Jongdae asks, turning from the table and watching Minseok prepare ‘hangover food’. 

“No clue,” Minseok grumbles. “Lots of drunk stupid shit? I’m pretty sure Baekhyun hip thrusted into the table at least four times and Lu Han hit that Yifan guy with the microphone. Jongin slept through most of it, I think.” 

“Jongin could sleep through the apocalypse,” Jongdae mumbles and Minseok finds himself smiling as he cracks eggs into a pan. “Did you have fun last night?”

Minseok pauses as he pokes at the sizzling eggs and the beginning waft of coffee permeates the kitchen. “I think so,” he muses, mind dragging warm brown eyes and a dimple into his mind as he tries to focus on cooking and not really nice laughter. 

“You are a god,” Jongdae says, sitting back after finishing his plate of food and sighing. “Remind me to build you a shrine some day.”

“Please don’t,” Minseok says, taking another sip of coffee. “That’s like horrible creepy. And knowing you it would be constructed out of, like, weird vegetables and bendy straws.”

“You’d love it,” Jongdae smirks at him. 

“I’d love a shower,” Minseok grumbles, pulling himself up and to the bathroom. “You can do the dishes.”

“Hyung~” Jongdae whines at him and Minseok doesn’t have to look at his roommate to know Jongdae is pouting. 

“I made you food, shut up,” Minseok says, dragging his feet to the bathroom to wash off the marmalade hangover stick that seems embedded into his skin. Minseok frowns through his shower, trying to remember the vague details of the previous day and getting progressively more and more embarrassed at himself as he does so. 

Last night, Minseok had got into a really embarrassing shots battle with Lu Han. Last night, Minseok had paraded up and down the street, arm and arm with Baekhyun and Chanyeol singing ‘Gangnam Style’ before Sehun had given him a pair of sunglasses and he and Jongdae had re-enacted the rather compromising Han river scene from PSY’s video in which PSY screams at a woman’s butt. Last night, Minseok had got into a very heated debated with Yifan and Jongin about tea cups versus coffee cups that had ended in someone yelling ‘Who cares! It’s hot liquid.” 

Last night, Minseok had stared for probably ten minute increments at Yixing’s various anatomy. Dimple. Mouth. Eyes. Shoulders. Hands. Chest (goddamn that chest). Thighs. It was like getting two bottles of soju deep plus whatever else they drank after that was the ultimate ‘what is shame’ combo platter. 

Minseok curses when he gets soap in his eyes and accidentally slams his knee into the side of the shower. 

“Your phone pinged,” Jongdae tells Minseok as he leaves the bathroom, towel rubbing at his hair. Minseok stares at him and Jongdae shrugs. “What, I thought you'd like to know.”

“Who would be messaging me?” Minseok asks, frowning as he resumes toweling his hair. 

“I don’t know,” Jongdae says with a shrug. “Lu Han maybe? Or Kyungsoo? Or maybe Lu Han’s hot friend from last night that kept chatting you up.” Jongdae’s eyebrows should never be allowed to make suggestive movements.

“Yixing was not chatting me up,” Minseok mumbles, avoiding Jongdae’s eyes as he feels heat crawl over his face. 

“Fine, Lu Han’s friend who you were chatting up last night,” Jongdae amends, pushing himself up and wandering towards the bathroom. 

Minseok sputters at him. “I was not chatting him up!” 

“Whatever helps you sleep at night,” Jongdae chirps, closing the door behind himself as Minseok frowns at him and fights the red on his face. He briefly contemplates continuing to yell at Jongdae when the other suddenly yells from the bathroom “Oh my God, there are hickies!” and decides he doesn’t need to punish him too much. 

Minseok walks around his room, getting dressed and not staring at the red light that keeps flashing on his phone every twenty seconds telling him he has a message. Minseok cleans up his room, finally locating his missing sock shoved into his book case and then flops back down on the bed. He breathes in cotton and turquoise swirl patterns. His phone chirps. 

Minseok has received a message from ‘Lauuuuusgsh098888874’. It says: ‘Hey! It was great meeting you last night. I hope you got home alright and aren’t feeling too bad this morning. XP’ 

Minseok has received a second message from ‘Lauuuuusgsh098888874.’ It says: “Also, in case you don’t remember, this is Yixing. ☺”

Minseok as received a third message from ‘Lu Han.’ It says: “HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA! I TOLD YOU TO LAY ON LAY AND YOU ACTUALLY LAID ON LAY.”

Minseok has received a fourth message from ‘Baekhyun.’ It says: “I think I made out with your roommate last night........ Help please.”

Minseok has received a fifth message from ‘Lauuuuusgsh098888874.’ It says: “Also, I think I may have your sunglasses. You gave them to me after Tao tried to get you to stop yelling at Jongdae’s butt.”

Minseok groans and flops head first into his pillows. 

“Did he message you?” Jongdae asks from the door, towel draped over his head. 

“You’re a playboy,” Minseok shouts into his pillows. “You made out with three people last night!” 

“Really?” Jongdae asks as Minseok continues to mourn into his pillows over his own embarrassment. 

“Yes,” Minseok grumbles, finally turning to look at Jongdae. “Congratulations, you managed to make out with almost half the people at the party.”

Jongdae is frowning at him. “….. Did we…?”

Minseok throws a pillow at him. “I hope to fuck not!” he yells as Jongdae scampers and Minseok rolls to mumble about his headache into the wall. 

Minseok is munching on a bag of chips, still feeling horrifically achy and strained when his phone rings around 4 o’clock. Minseok stares at it for a moment, chip half way to his mouth, before he picks it up and checks the number. 

Incoming call from: Lauuuuusgsh098888874!

Minseok’s eyes are wide as his stomach jumps. He swipes the ‘answer’ button and hesitantly puts the phone to his ear. “H-hello?”

“Hi, is this Minseok?” says a happy voice that is sweet sounding even over the phone. 

“Uhhhh-“ Minseok may be in delayed shock. 

“Minseok? Hello? Fuck, did I get the wrong numb-“

“This is Minseok,” Minseok blunders out, clutching the phone to his face. “Um, hi.”

“Hi!” the other voice says and sounds far too happy after a night of intense drinking. “I was worried there for a second. How are you feeling?”

“How am I-?”

“Well, you just seemed a little drunk last night,” the other voice laughs and Minseok finds himself flushing and smiling and frowning all at once. “I didn’t know how you would be feeling today.”

“I’m, um, well, hung over sounds appropriate,” Minseok laughs awkwardly into the phone. “Um, why are you-?”

“That sucks, I’m sorry,” Yixing says, and his voice does actually sound sympathetic. “Are you busy tomorrow?”

Minseok blinks. “What?”

“Tomorrow,” Yixing repeats. “Are you busy?”

Tomorrow. Tomorrow is Sunday. “Not really.”

“Awesome!” Yixing sounds delighted. “Do you like tapas?”

“Do I like- what?” Minseok feels really confused. He also feels horrifically giddy. And a little bit like he’s having an out of body life experience. 

“Tapas,” Yixing repeats. “They’re like little appetizer dishes. You go to a restaurant and eat them and it’s like a meal of pre-meal meals. Do you like them? They’re from Spain.”

“Um, sure?” Minseok answer-asks, staring at his reflection in the mirror. His hair is sticking up on one side of his head and he looks fantastic. “But wh-“

“Awesome, can I come get you at, like, 1 then? If that’s okay.” Minseok feels like he’s in a tunnel and Yixing is shouting at him from the other end. “Minseok?”

“Are you asking me out?” Minseok stumbles out because this is far too good to be true. The handsome amazing stranger who Minseok meets at a random social gathering that Minseok thinks is amazing and handsome and wonderful and probably perfect actually maybe possibly likes him back. 

This shit doesn’t happen in real life. 

“Well, I did tell you I would call you,” Yixing laughs, and he sounds so void of shame and embarrassment Minseok decides to feel double, just to compensate. 

Minseok presses his lips together. “You did?”

“Yeah.” Yixing sounds really amused. “And you did kind of sing at me to, so I figured it was a mutual thing. That and I still have your number written on my arm.”

Minseok has no internal organs. They’re on hiatus. “Oh,” he says feeling faint. 

“So, pick you up at one?” Yixing asks. 

“Sure,” Minseok says, feeling dizzy now. 

“Awesome, see you tomorrow!” 

The line disconnects. Minseok drops his phone. Minseok falls side ways into his bed. “Jongdae!” 

“What?” Jongdae asks, poking his head into Minseok’s room and looking at his friend in mild curiosity. 

“Did I-“ Minseok has to swallow again. “Did I sing last night? Like, to anyone?”

Jongdae looks momentarily confused before he starts laughing. “Oh my God, I almost forgot about that!” 

“Jongdae!”

“You may have danced around singing ‘Call Me Maybe’ to Yixing while Lu Han and Baekhyun were your back up dancers,” Jongdae informs him with a grin. “It also may have been the highlight of the evening.”

“Oh fuck,” Minseok groans, covering his face in his hands.

“Did he?” Jongdae asks, sagging a bit into the doorframe. 

“What?”

“Call you maybe?” Jongdae rolls his eyes a lot. Minseok flat out blushes and it’s humiliating. 

Lu Han laughs a lot when Minseok calls him before telling Minseok he thinks it’s awesome and he should totally date Yixing because Yixing is awesome and that’s a ‘glorious couple’ that should happen. Minseok asks him if he’s high. Lu Han tells him to stop degrading himself and go out with Yixing and have fun. Lu Han also tells him that Minseok should stop worrying because he’s handsome and nice and funny and shouldn’t think that having guys like him is so far fetched. 

“Plus, Yixing is a really great person,” Lu Han adds as Minseok stabs a pen repeatedly into the desk. “I’m really glad I made you lie down on him. Because you both clearly enjoyed it.”

“You’re insane,” Minseok mumbles fondly into the phone. 

“Also a match making genius,” Lu Han points out. “Did you see Jongdae and Yifan last night?” 

“Jongdae made out with three people last night,” Minseok points out. 

“Four,” Lu Han corrects him.

“I don’t even want to know,” Minseok grumbles and runs a hand over his face. 

Minseok opens his door at 1 o’clock on Sunday to find Yixing looking really nice and really happy on the other side. “Hi,” Yixing says.

“Hi,” Minseok answers, fidgeting slightly. 

Yixing leads Minseok out of the apartment he shares with Jongdae with a lovely smile, chattering slightly about how Lu Han had called him yesterday to tell him he’d woken up upside down on his kitchen table. “Are you hungry?” Yixing asks, turning to Minseok in the elevator and shifting close. 

“Not severely,” Minseok answers, offering a smile and feeling unnaturally shy. 

“Good,” Yixing says, nudging their shoulders together. “I have a few things planned for today.”

“You ha- what?” Minseok feels like everything with Yixing is a really strange guessing game of what Yixing is going to suddenly spring on him next. 

Yixing just smiles, that dimple pressing into his face. “You’ll see,” he says and his eyes glint as they hit the bottom level. Yixing leads him onto the subway, firing question after question at Minseok and dragging answers from him with surprising ease. Minseok finds himself talking more than he has in a long time, slipping into comfortable conversation that sends his heart beating warming in his chest as Yixing smiles and tells him a few things about himself. 

Yixing is from China. 

Yixing likes cooking.

Yixing went to boarding school with Lu Han and Yifan and they all were really close. 

Yixing just moved to the area.

Yixing is currently living with Yifan just outside the city and working as a dance coach at a studio and really likes working with the kids. 

Yixing likes to eat snacks and play the piano. 

Yixing likes all animals except for merecats because he thinks they look like they’d whisper lies into your ears at night while you sleep. 

Minseok finds himself laughing just as much as when he hangs out with Lu Han. Except he doesn’t feel his stomach clench and slightly light headed when he’s with Lu Han. And he doesn’t stare at Lu Han’s exposed flash of chest and feel the urge to find out what it tastes like. 

Urges are often compromising when they begin to run on repeat at the back of your mind. 

Minseok doesn’t really know what’s happening for the most part. Instead, he feels like he’s in a blur that is mostly Yixing wrapping a hand around his shoulder and steering him places that fly by before he realizes where they’re going until they’re standing in line for golf balls and clubs. 

“Mini golf?” Minseok asks, looking at Yixing with raised eyebrows. 

“Do you not like Mini-golf?” Yixing asks, cocking his head to the side and looking adorably confused. 

“No,” Minseok hastens to explain, shaking his head. “Mini-golf is fine, it’s just, well, I didn’t expect that-“

“It’s just for fun,” Yixing says, smiling at him and leaning close, shoulders brushing. “We don’t have to.”

Minseok blinks. “No, it’s um.” He smiles. “Mini-golf sounds fun.”

Yixing beams at him. 

Mini-golf turns from Minseok initially trying to take it relatively seriously into Yixing and Minseok giving up on the game entirely and just whacking their golf balls around uselessly and making up scores because there’s no point when Yixing straddling the ‘turvy topply’ loops is far too distracting for Minseok to make an actual putt. “You should stop doing that,” Minseok tells him, face red from laughing and, well, straddling images. 

“Why?” Yixing asks, laughing and smiling and handsome and fantastic. 

“Because-“ but Minseok can’t really finish because that would basically end in him saying ‘because I can hit the ball when I’m too busy staring at your crotch.’ 

“Because you can’t hit the ball because you’re too busy staring at my crotch?” Yixing asks and Minseok’s mouth opens without his permission and he makes a startled squeak. Yixing laughs. “Well, awesome. That was kind of the point.”

Minseok has never met anyone like Yixing. And he thinks that he likes Yixing. A lot. 

Somehow, despite not giving two shits about how the game of mini-golf is supposed to work, Minseok manages to win a prize at the end when he takes a particularly hard ‘whack’ to his golf ball and it ricochets off a clown statue into the 1000 points! hole. Yixing whistles at him and wags his eyebrows, which has Minseok both extremely satisfied and compromised at the same time. Minseok wins a bunny plushie from the old grumpy looking guy in a golf visor behind the booth and gives it to Yixing with a smile. Yixing seems stunned. 

“What?” Minseok asks, watching Yixing and feeling nervous. He thought Yixing would have smiled, not look like Minseok has just told him they’re all out of chocolate ice cream for the next century. 

“I just-“ Yixing looks down at the plushie in his hands. “I don’t usually get these,” he says, before a smile breaks over his face and he lets out a soft laugh. He looks back up at Minseok. “I really like plushies but, well, I never get them. No one’s ever given me one.”

“Well, I’m giving you one,” Minseok says, feeling kind of silly but mostly proud of himself at the brilliant smile Yixing is giving him. 

“Thanks,” Yixing says so sincerely it makes Minseok’s heart clench and flutter a moment later when Yixing slips his hand around Minseok’s and pulls him from mini-golf. 

“Where are we going now?” Minseok asks but not really expecting a complete answer. 

“You’ll see,” Yixing says with crinkly smiling eyes that sparkle as he cradles the plushie bunny to his chest carefully. 

They next go to a bakery where they buy bread and throw it at fish in a stream, giving them names and creating dialogues for them as they fight over bread before a flock of ducks comes over and scares the fish away. Then Yixing, leading Minseok by the hand, takes them to a shopping district where Yixing buys Minseok a key chain in the shape of a red panda and Minseok buys Yixing a pair of silly glasses that Yixing wears with a ˚∆˚ expression on his face that has Minseok snorting into a selection of beanies. 

Six o’clock finds them at the tapas restaurant Yixing has made a reservation at and Minseok can’t stop smiling as Yixing taps his knuckles absently. Minseok has no real idea what they order for dinner. Only that it’s delicious and has a lot of variety and they can’t actually pronounce the names of the food correctly and end up just calling the various dishes ‘the fishy one,’ ‘funky pasta,’ and ‘mushrooms galore featuring maybe squid.’ 

Minseok doesn’t realize until they’re walking together, hands lightly brushing at their sides as they slowly plow through ice cream Minseok spotted from a street vendor, that this is one of the longest first dates he’s ever been on. The longest and most interesting and most fantastic first dates he’s ever been on ever. “I don’t usually do this,” he says to himself absently, looking at how the street lights illuminate the park they’re walking in to a slightly dreamy glow. 

“What, go on dates?” Yixing asks from beside him, glancing over and making Minseok flush as he realizes the other has thought the question directed at him. 

“Wha- no!” Minseok tries to recover even as Yixing smiles at him in amusement. 

“That’s a relief,” Yixing says, steps easily in sync with Minseok’s. “But I’d be honored if you don’t date and yet chose my arm to write your phone number on.”

Minseok swallows around the memory of Lu Han’s birthday and the- well, the hot drunk mess that he was for a lot of it. “Did I-“ he shuffles to a nervous stop, Yixing coming to pause just a step in front and turning to look at him curiously. “Did I actually…” Minseok gestures with his arm and hopes he doesn’t have to elaborate. 

Yixing seems to understand the actual lack of words and laughs, shoving his almost finished ice cream cone into his mouth so he can use a hand to pull up the sleeve on his left arm. There, written in really sloppy hand writing and fading, is Minseok’s cell phone number with ‘call this plz – BAOZIIII’ against the skin. 

Minseok didn't know you could feel delayed embarrassment so intensely. “Wow,” he says, feeling his face burn. “Um, I’m sorry.”

Yixing laughs around his ice cream before taking it out and looking at Minseok with amused affection that has bubbles joining the burn of humiliation at the fact that he signed ‘baoziii’ onto Yixing rather than his own name. “I’m not,” Yixing says, and shifts so that their hands, previously brushing, lace together and he steps a little closer. 

Minseok blinks, feeling his breath skip. “You’re not?”

“Nope,” Yixing says, eyes crinkling as he looks at Minseok and the evening lights sparkle. “Not sorry at all,” he finishes before leaning in and gently brushing his lips against Minseok’s surprised mouth, soft and easy, just as amazing as the rest of him. Minseok’s breaths freeze in his chest as his eyes are wide as Yixing pulls back slightly. “Hey.” Yixing’s voice is so soft and smooth is wraps around Minseok and pulls him in. 

“I just-“ Minseok can’t breathe properly. “I just met you.”

Yixing’s eyes sparkle along with the lights. “And this is crazy,” he says, dimple pronounced on his cheek. “You gave me your number, I want to date you again maybe?”

Minseok laughs before he can stop himself. “That was ridiculous,” he says, feeling unnaturally light and warm as his fingers feel perfect fitted next to Yixing’s. 

“I like ridiculous things,” Yixing says, leaning into Minseok and Minseok feels his breathing catch again. 

“Like someone singing at you drunk in a noraebang?” Minseok asks as his pulse races.

“And people who call themselves ‘meat bun’ and sing and dance ‘Gangnam Style’ and give me plushies and think names like ‘Agatha’ and ‘Mr. Beanwinkle’ are suitable for fish,” Yixing says. Minseok can’t help the smile that shows too much gum as Yixing leans in again and ends up meeting him halfway in a perfect kiss to end a perfect date to end a perfect everything.

**Author's Note:**

> There are lines in this that are technically from Eddie Izzard and Dylan Moran. I do not own them. (The ‘cake or death’ and ‘little bits of crispy death’ lines are not originally mine. They were included because hyperhyperbole loves both comedians and the corresponding skits).


End file.
